Some Good Old Sayings...

• There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient!!
• I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
• They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
• Home is where the television is.
• Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
• Death is hereditary.
• Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
• Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
• When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
• Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
• Well done is better than well said.
• Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
• I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
• If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
• Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
• The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
• Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
• I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
• Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go
  Wrong that one can't blame on the government.
• There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
• An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
  Confusing.

And finally

• Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.