Real letters to a London Counsel of housing Development

1. "Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

2. "I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

3. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."

4. "Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."

5. "I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."

6. "Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."

7. "I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."

8. "Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."

9. "We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."

10. "This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."