Jokes Of The Day

funny....

2008-06-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

If we were in Pakistan , our options for professional courses after Std. XIIwould be as follows :
JEE - Jehadic Entrance Examination
IIT - Islamic Institute of Terrorism
IIM - Institute of Infiltration Management
CAT - Career in Alqaida & Taliban
IAS - Iraq after SaddamM Tech - Masters in Terror Technology
GATE - General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism
TOEFL - Test of Extremist Foreign Languages
GRE - Graduate in Relocation Extremism
MBBS - Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies
MBA - Master of Bombing Administration

Gujarati Funeral ... Excellent one.

2008-06-26T23:22:00.000-07:00

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days.

Missing 3 keys

2008-06-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option." "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!" "That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan."The bottle has a hole in it!" "What about the PC?" "It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys," "Which three?" "Control, Alt and Delete."

Simply superb……

2008-06-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game. The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500." This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "Your turn." So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500. The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep. The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5 , and goes back to sleep!

A New Priest

2007-10-08T03:12:00.001-07:00

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s--t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me"

12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter-pulling contest at St.Taffy's

Examinations special

2007-10-08T03:08:00.001-07:00

Ø Special offer........Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal's office and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.
Hurry offer valid until exams only....

Ø It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary). Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.
Say NO to EXAMS

Ø Student's declaration at the end of answer paper. Reminds me of Disclaimer Notices!
"I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2d best of mine & my friend's knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever 4any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious & any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental."

10 ways to stop those irritating calls

2007-10-08T02:48:00.000-07:00

10 ways to stop those credit card sales, idea/hutch/airtel , insurance
calls etc ... (no offences PLz) J

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry
you.

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her
back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold.

Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.

Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the
phone to your five year old child.

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak
up...louder...louder...louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every
word down.

8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad
you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all
these problems............"

9. Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd
call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to
stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really
MALE.

10. Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number.
- and give him the ICICI call center number.

What a Logic...

2007-10-08T02:43:00.000-07:00

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

Real letters to a London Counsel of housing Development

2007-10-08T02:37:00.000-07:00

1. "Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

2. "I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

3. "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."

4. "Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."

5. "I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."

6. "Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."

7. "I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."

8. "Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."

9. "We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."

10. "This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

Instinctive Thinking

2007-10-08T02:35:00.000-07:00

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.

Which place are you from?"

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.

John replied, "Which team did she play for?"

Twelve Pound Nugget Of Gold

2007-10-08T02:23:00.001-07:00

A Husband and Wife, Both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the
proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold. The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown. When the
reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home. The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown:

Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?

Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.

Reporter : Is he in?

Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.

Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.

Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?

Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown ! objects in as much as it
is strictly private.

Reporter : Is the place far?

Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.

Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?

Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.

Reporter : Is the hole deep?

Mrs. Brown : Quite so...

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?

Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...

Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?

Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.

Reporter : Does he work hard on it?

Mrs. Brown : You bet......... ..and how he perspires.

Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?

Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...

Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead! of him?

Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.

Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?

Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the
site,with my consent.

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?

Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him...

Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?

Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.

Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby
boy).

The reporter has to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance ............

The Best Resignation Letter

2007-10-08T02:17:00.000-07:00

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA , to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have
been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes).

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day

Pretending to be married.....

2007-10-08T02:09:00.000-07:00

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found
themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk
and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman,
saying, "Mam, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough
to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully
cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for
tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?"

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

And she said,

"Then get up and take it yourself"!!

Osama's Messege to Bush

2007-10-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.”

Corporate Strategy

2007-10-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

A Content Developer in Hell

2007-09-29T03:16:00.000-07:00

One politician, One thief & One Content Developer died & went straight to hell….(any doubt.. J).

Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and see

how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5 minutes,

then she asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".

The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous! s, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call my group

members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil

how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Content Developer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my Learning Design (LD) friends too",

He called other LD person and he talked for twenty hours about various

Projects and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he

asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".

Content Developer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"

Devil says

Calling

hell

is local !!!

Mango Season... Soooo Cute

2007-09-03T03:30:00.000-07:00

Some Good Old Sayings...

2007-09-03T03:25:00.000-07:00

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient!!
I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
Home is where the television is.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Death is hereditary.
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
Well done is better than well said.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go
Wrong that one can't blame on the government.
There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
Confusing.

And finally

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Naughty Answers..!!!

2007-09-03T03:22:00.000-07:00

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
********************************************

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,

" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

***********************************

Husband asks:

"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
Every-time
Wife replies:

" No,......
It means:
With
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"

*****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack
& our driver ran away
**********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential

Locker Room Humor...hehehehe

2007-09-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room start listening him.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Friday Vs Monday

2007-09-03T02:48:00.000-07:00

The Husband Store...

2007-09-03T02:44:00.000-07:00

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

The Unwanted Child....

2007-09-03T02:42:00.000-07:00

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared,
she confides this 'news' to her mother. Shouting, cursing, crying,
the
mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature
and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a
very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the
living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells
them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
However, I
can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll
take responsibility.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,

if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
>
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>
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"You can try again!"

Don't Lie.....

2007-09-03T02:40:00.000-07:00

One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the
person who lied on the face.

Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son
why are you late from school?".

Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Kuttappan on his
face.

His dad told him "Mone (son) This robot is special in that he can detect a
lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth,
why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", S-p-la-tt
Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

" sorry dad..i lied again, honestly I went for an adult movie ." Dad: "Shame
on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Kuttappan's mother comes walking out of the kitchen
saying, "Athu pinne enginnenaa, ningalude monealle?" ( *After all he is your
son, he will be like you*), to which the robot steps up and gives a
resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face.

Fridays are gonna be tough...

2007-09-01T05:20:00.001-07:00

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: 'Why so glum?'

Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'

Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'

Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and
Fresca.. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And
you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead
anyway.'

Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!'

Satan: 'You a smoker?'

Guy: 'You better believe it!'

Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no
biggie, you're already dead, rememb er?

Guy: Wow...that's awesome!'

Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'

Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

Satan: 'Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,
blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'

Guy: 'Cool!'

Satan: 'What about Drugs?'

Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?'

Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big
bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a
doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares.'

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

Satan: 'You gay?'

Guy: 'No...'

Satan: 'Oooooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough...

Try Saying...

2007-09-01T05:17:00.001-07:00

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: HUMAN RESOURCES

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided, so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO...

TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING
I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No fucking way!!

TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF
Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING
Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF
Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF
It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF
What the fuck?!?!

TRY SAYING
I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF
Fuck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF
Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING
He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF
He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING
Excuse me, Sir?
INSTEAD OF
Eat shit and die, motherfucker.

TRY SAYING
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF
Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING
I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF
Fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF
Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING
I see.
INSTEAD OF
Blow me.

TRY SAYING
Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF
Another fucking meeting!!!

TRY SAYING
I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF
I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF
He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF
She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF
You don't know what the fuck you're doing

Orkut Song

2007-09-01T05:16:00.001-07:00

kyun aajkal homework kam orkut zyada hai
lagta fail hone ka pura-pura iraada hain.........
kal tha top per aaj 40 bhi zyada hain
lagta fail hone ka pura-pura iraada hai
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
o o o o o ...

School ki inn classes me,
boring si ek teacher hai
jabse mila hai orkut
badla har ek manzar hain
dekho jahaan mein neeli neeli iss screen tale
dost naye naye hain jaise milte hue
orkut mere khwaabon mein jawaabon mein sawaalon mein
har din chura orkut ko main laata hoon khayalon mein
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
kya mujhe pyar hain aah ..

President Bush...haha

2007-09-01T05:09:00.000-07:00

Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up.
Bush: what’s your name?
John: john
Bush: what’s your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: you are an intelligent student john… (Just then the bell for recess rang).
Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What’s your name?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?